The stupid 2012

It's been a while since I've written anything here. I got some ups but mostly downs on my way to 2012 and started the year by crying my eyes out. I am doing much better now and actually somewhat like my old self again. I smile because I am happy, I do things because I actually want to do them. The project Marja 2012 is what I call the thing that is hopefully going to change my life.

I am going to leave the details from this because they feel too personal for everybody to read. All you need to know that I had severe depression in the end of 2011 and now I am much better. There are things that I don't talk about but I don't think anybody notices any difference. Although I keep a happy front I am a very private person and only lately I have started to tell people how I truly feel. And now I feel great. I can also discuss about my feelings that I had when I was down and tell how I started to feel better.

The big change in my life is that I am writing now almost daily and hopefully I will start writing full time. I am taking small steps to ease my way into the habit of daily writing and later I will set daily goals of writing several pages.

Perhaps one of the biggest things I have discovered about myself that I have never given enough time for adopting better habits like cleaning. One sign of my anxiety is the uncontrollable mess in the apartment. I had a few sessions with a therapist and during the first one she said that I needed to learn how to take care of myself. This is true, since I did not think I deserved any attention from myself. Since then I have slowly adopted daily routines, like washing dishes and putting my clothes in to the wardrobe after use. I have also paid extra attention on what I eat and what I drink. I restated exercising. I started to pay attention to me just because I need it. I started to rediscover myself.

Some people would say that I am lazy and spoiled because I also took some time just for myself. I go to work twice a day but I don't attend school at all. This has probably been the best gift I could've given to myself since with this time I have gotten the strength to stand up (quite literally) and started to have interest on things again. 

There is something I am so happy about that it should be celebrated. I have started loving my camera in almost a sick way and taken pictures almost every day. There is a sentence in my diary where I write 'I got the two things I need in my life: my computer and my camera, there is nothing else I really need'. This is true and realizing it makes me feel safe. As long as I have those two things I can go anywhere, do anything, live anywhere, I can be happy and focus on what I want to do. This realisation is a blessing I hope I will never forget.

More Pictures!

It is spring and everything looks gray. Or does it?

Happy New Year!

42

I think of life as a huge equation. I'm the Y and X is my destination. The variables are strange and hard to comprehend and therefore I feel like I am different. All of my life I have observed others and tried to understand how they behave aka the constants. The variables are a complete mystery to me.

Till this day I have not been able to solve it for I have no real formula and I have always been really bad at solving written equations. I guess I have to accept the life as it is and how I am in it. Perhaps I'll need less loop counters

Yes, I am an engineer.

Three Musketeers

No no no no no no no no NO!!!! This is too ridiculous. Way too stupid. If you want to make fantasy out of historical times, figure out a new story DON'T ruin the old one. I cannot tell you how much I hate these new adaptations where a fantastic source material is dummed down for the new adhd generation and then made to be an action packed SGI mess just because. It is Sherlock Holmes story all over again: an amazing story put into 'new' shape to cash in money only for the money's sake. Ok that's Hollywood for you but please pay a little respect, would ya.There were no matrix back in the day and ninjas lived in Japan.

You can make money with good films too. Like If you want an awesome action adventure movie, check out the 1993 version. It is still stupid but at the same time it is humorous, exciting and respects the source material. No effing medieval matrix CGI. Plus you cannot go wrong with Keifer Sutherland, Charlie Sheen (who is like super hot in this movie) and the AMAZING Tim Curry.Check out this video, and then the movie. You'll have the best time of your life, I promise

On a side note, I don't mind 2004 version of Van Helsing although it portrays the same faults as all of the new Hollywood reboots. There are probably few reasons why: Hugh Jackman and Richard Roxburg's Dracula. Jackman is probably the hottest man on earth and Roxburg was an amazing Dracula. I think he should've been the main character in the movie.

Ryan Bingham

This is the best song in the world

One of the most important things in the movies is the music. It sets the mood and enhances the experience in to another level. They make daily events, like food shopping, worth watching. Think about it. Going to your boring 9 to 5 office job doesn't seem so tiresome if you have the Rocky theme playing in the backround.

As a 24/7 music listener I have stumbled across such wonderful soundracks that I actually listen to them every day. There are three movies that appear regularly on my mp3 player and they will probably stay there for a long time. These are Becoming Jane, Amelie and Nausicaa. I especially listen to the Becoming Jane soundtrack, since I find it soothing but still inspiring.

Here is a list of soundtrack songs that hit the nail and stuck with me over the years. The list is not based on how the song hits the scene it is played in but it is simply on the fact that I listen to it without actually watching the movie. I also chose songs that don't have lyrics and were composed only for the said movie (FYI it is not a coincidinc that these some of them also happen to be my favourite films)

The Truman Show Soundtrack - 11. Do Something!
by Burkhard Dallwitz & Philip Glass

A really short song, but I am sucker for the drums. 

Becoming Jane - Runaways

By Adrian Johnston

This sweet tune is played when Jane decides to abandon her family and run away with the man she loves. So sappy and sooooooo wonderful

Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind

By Joe Hisaishi

The movie opens up to little bit of history how mankind destroyed. During the next scene you can see somebody gliding over a beautiful forrest. When I listen to this song I can feel the wind on my hair and imagine myself flying above rivers and hills. Oh that reminds me I have to learn how to use a hang glider.

Amélie - Comptine D'un Autre Etre

By Guillaume Yann Tiersen 

If you have a heart this will touch you.

Up - Married Life

By Michael Giacchino

Although I didn't like the movie as much as I wanted, the soundtrack really stuck with me. Especially the music in this scene. I cry every time I watch it and hear the song.

Lord of the Rings -Felloship of the Ring- Concerning Hobbits

By Howard Shore

I am completely bias when it comes to this movie. I love it and the music in it just because. I think hobbits are cool because they are cute and super chilled and I wish one day I will live in a house with a round door. For me it is the perfect fantasy world and I will always ALWAYS think it is the better than the other two movies. Or books. I have read them so I can tell which is the best: it is the first one. Also the music is amazing and yes, I have listened to it just for funsies. And I would've probably posted the whole soundtrack here if I wouldn't be wanting to share my opinion of the next one:

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - Peer Pressure

By Jon Brion

It perfectly captures the moment when the main character accepts his past. Sad, too short but still very effective

Paper Heart -  The 11th Arrondissement

Zach Condon & Perrin Cloutier

The last song is the reason for this list. I actually haven't seen this movie but I love the main actress, Charlyne Yi. Long story short, I discovered the soundtrack and now I must see the film.

One more thing: I hate HATE H A T E the violin theme they used in Batman Begins/Batman Returns Again/Inception. The stupid view of the stupid city with a fast violin  and sorta suspense theme is not working. Yes it does set the sinister and action packed mood if used once or twice. After it the same shot has been uses over 5 times it looses its momentum and becomes mundane. For example imagine this song being 2 hours long. That is what those films feel like. Jeeez

So much excitement I think my heart is going to fail. Also so much exciting stuff that I'll forget what happened 5 minutes ago. That is what those films feel like. Jeeez